Two kids, one boy and girl sat down on a tram next to their father. The girl stood up on the tram seat so that she could see anything outside from the tram. To see the excitement that his sister has from seeing through the window, the boy started to push in, made room for himself next to her sister. As she was annoyed with this, she asked him to leave. Out came a gentle voice from their father try to settle the matter. "Darling, you should share with your brother", told him to his annoyed little girl. "And you, mate, you'd better not pushing in but asking your sister nicely", added the father.
Is it great? A very understanding and calm father tried to jump into his children fight over spot at the tram. Yet if we look at a bit deeper, we would find something more fascinating than how the father handled the situation. What makes me thinking is not about the type of father or how to control your children in public space. It's rather the term of endearment that he used for his children. It is obvious that girl would be called nice thing such as 'darling', 'sweetheart', 'honey', 'sweety' (or even hunny bunny sweety pie--like this one!) and 'love'. Meanwhile, the boy should be happy with the term 'mate'. Of course boys and men can be called darling or sweetheart if these words come out from the opposite sex. Interestingly, it seems to be fine to use these nice words amongst girls. Am i right darling?
Those words by nature do not have a gender category. Our social and cultural values that give gender attributes to them. Likewise, we give the meanings to the colour blue and pink. Blue itself in the first place is not males' colour and pink does not necessarily mean 'feminine'. We created such meanings to these colours and have been making them set of rules as part of our cultural products.
So what can be learnt from the scenario above? The word mate perhaps refers to the idea of masculinity that prevails within society. Calling your son or other males mate indicate the way male treating other males. So the father tried to see his relationship with his son within this context. If the words 'darling', 'sweetheart' and other nice words are used to call his son or other males, it means that the cultural boundaries are being blurred. In most cases, people seem to be annoyed if what is widely accepted as normality being constested.
Of couse, you can call your mate darling or sweety but your friend would think that you are feminising them.
Alright, this might be confusing if we know that mothers call their sons darling. Would this mean that the mothers are perceiving them feminine? No. In this respect, the meaning of darling is utterly different to what fathers might use to their sons. It is not feminising. It is rather an indication of tenderness and caring shown by their mothers. The mothers are trying to show them that their sons are the beloved ones. It is worth to remember that meanings of the words can change depending on the context. For instance, in father-son relationship it could be a way of softening the masculinity. Yet in relationship be they heterosexual or same-sex relationship, the term 'darling', 'honey' are sort of affectionate way of expressing themselves as couples.
I shall flesh out a bit more if i have a glorious chance to do it. At the moment, i have been very busy with uni stuff.
* I tried to experiment in the kitchen departement. This time i made creamy asparagus saus on Mezzaluna.
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